hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
