Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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