Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
