It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
