He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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