The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
