I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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