I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
