remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
