is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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