Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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