if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
