An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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