Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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