This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
