i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my being single is dangerous.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
