I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
