My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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