u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
