remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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