I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Found the puke drawer
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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