i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
