My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
