wat bout pragnant strippers??
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
