my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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