...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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