I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
