everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
