Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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