i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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