Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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