Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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