everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
