The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
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Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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