im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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