He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
