I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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