We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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