Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There r osticjed everywhere
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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