come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
