I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
