her vagine was all disorganized.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
