Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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