yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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