If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The air taste purple.
Randomize
