I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize