weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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