He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
