Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
