I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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