I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize