so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
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Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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