and you said cock pushups were impossible
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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