Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
