I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
