No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
