I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
