the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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