What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
