At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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