a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
