In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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