Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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