Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
