I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
