Are we in a gay sports bar?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
