Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
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Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
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you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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