I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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